


Fallacy

by utanohimesama (Emerald_Heart12)



Category: Uta no Prince-sama
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reiji Saves Aine, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bittersweet Ending, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Hurt/Comfort, I Took Creative Liberties, Kinda, Kisaragi Aine Needs A Hug, Kotobuki Reiji Needs A Hug, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Otonami Kei Swears A Lot, Pre-Idol, Spoilers for Fiction, Suicide Attempt, let Reiji be happy 2k19, mostly - Freeform, mostly just reiaine trash, reiji's squad really needs more fics, show burn, slight AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 11:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17918189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emerald_Heart12/pseuds/utanohimesama
Summary: Reiji Kotobuki wasn't ever too interested in being an idol, despite it being his only dream since the age of ten. Or so he feels, until he meets a boy with a smile so beautiful he can't seem to look away.





	Fallacy

**Author's Note:**

> So, I've been working on this over this past month, and I'm really glad to finally have it done (even though it's in the middle of exams -- oops). At 7,861 words, this is the longest thing I've ever written for UtaPri, and, of course, it's for my ReiAine trash hole. ANYway, I hope you like reading it as much as I loved writing it!
> 
> Okay, on another note, I've gotten a couple comments about some canon inconsistencies in regards to the games, so please know before you read this that I have taken some creative liberties with Aine, Hibiki, and Kei’s characters.

A soft, delicate laugh pierces the air, drawing Reiji’s attention. It’s from the shy, quiet boy. Kisaragi, Reiji remembers. He doesn’t know his first name. So he decides to ask.

Kisaragi looks up from his book, his smile fading quickly. His face looks somewhere between surprised and confused, as though he wasn’t expecting to be disturbed. But his eyes are wide, beautiful pools of blue that seem to be eager for conversation.

“What’s your name?” Reiji asks.

Kisaragi smiles, slightly reserved. “Aine Kisaragi.”

Reiji decides that he likes Aine’s smile. “I’m Reiji Kotobuki,” he says in turn.

“It’s nice to meet you, Koto—”

“You don’t need to be so stiff, Aine! Just call me Reiji,” Reiji grins, leaning over Aine’s desk, noting the slight widen in the boy’s smile.

Aine pauses for a moment, then looks Reiji in the eye, and says, slowly, deliberately: “Rei.”

Reiji can’t help but beam at the nickname.

Neither of them seem to realise that the threads of fate have arrived at their loom.

* * *

 

Reiji wishes he was partnered with Aine on their first assignment, but of course, that isn’t possible, since they’re both in the Idol Course. Instead, Aine is partnered with a boy named Kei Otonami, and Reiji spies his name in the board next to a Hibiki Katagiri.

“Don't call me that, Kotobuki,” Hibiki grumbles, but Reiji can tell from the lilt in his voice that Hibiki doesn't mind the nickname.

“So, what'll be the basic theme?” Reiji asks. His excitement is palpable, and it begins to spread to Hibiki, too.

“I was thinkin’ something light and romantic, but with a sense that hits hard. The tune could be slow in the beginning, so your lyrics’ll have to deliver a punch.”

Reiji purses his lips, but it looks more like a pout. “Slow like how?”

Hibiki exhales through his nose, then clears his throat and hums. “ _Na na na, la la la, da lala daradara . . ._ ” He trails off a little, face pinkening as though shy. “Or somethin’ like that. . .”

“Don’t be shy, Hibi,” Reiji teases, poking Hibiki in the cheek lightly.

“Shuddup, Reiji,” Hibiki grumbles, swatting Reiji’s hand away, but Reiji can't help but grin at the immediate transition to his first name. “But, what’re are your thoughts?”

Reiji plays the tune again in his head.

_“It’s your smile,_

_Above all,_

_That’ll set my heart aflame,”_

Hibiki grins back. “Nice.”

They end up getting a score of ninety-three.

* * *

 

Reiji, Aine, Hibiki, and Kei become fast friends after the test. They have their differences, but the four of them get along surprisingly well, Reiji learns.

Aine, he learns, is earnest and eager, if a little dense at times. He’s a curious soul, and his eyes light up whenever he sees something interesting. Aine has the most beautiful smile and laugh, and Reiji feels his heart stutter whenever he hears it. He also discovers Aine’s secret to success: his puppy-dog eyes. He knows all too well that when Aine uses them, Reiji can never say no to him. Not that Reiji minds.

Hibiki’s of the grumpy sort, he discovers, but he has an impeccably soft side to him whenever it comes to music or movies. Hibiki mentioned having wanted to be a director before, but he possesses a real talent for composing. And, much to Reiji’s surprise, a real talent for snark, too. In fact, Reiji’s fairly sure that he, Kei, and Aine are the only people Hibiki doesn’t turn that razor-sharp tongue to, unless it’s in jest.

Kei, on the other hand, doesn’t snark as much, but could cuss out a sailor. If he wasn’t humming, composing, or sleeping, he was most certainly cursing in every other sentence. Reiji also soon discovered that Kei could be like a kicked puppy when told off—something he’d only found out when Aine had told him off severely for his constant swearing. Kei had actually managed to mind his speech for a record of two days.

But to Reiji, the best things he’s learned about are their smiles.

Kei’s smile is one that quirks up just a little further on one end than the other, a cheeky smirk that speaks volumes about the playful person he really is.

Hibiki’s smile is more muted, just the smallest raise of his lips, an interesting contrast to his brash personality, one whose existence can’t be fathomed by most.

Unlike the other two, Aine has a smile that complements him beautifully. It’s warm and cheery, like a spot of sunshine on a sunny day, with his head tucked in and his beautiful blue eyes alive with joy.

Reiji finds himself staring at that smile a little too often.

* * *

 

“Yo, Kotobuki, mind stopping staring at Aine for a moment and paying attention?” Hibiki snaps his fingers in front of Reiji’s face, drawing his attention to the sheet music in front of him.

Reiji pouts, fully aware of the heat rising to his face in a mixture of shock and something else. “I wasn’t _staring_ , Hibi,” he mumbles, hands shielding his face.

Kei scoffs. “Yeah, and I’m a goddamn platypus.”

“ _Kei_ ,” Aine chides lightly. “Don’t be mean to Rei, maybe he was just lost in thought.”

Kei and Hibiki glance at each other, making Reiji all the more conscious.

“Y-yeah, I was thinking,” Reiji tries to cover up with a pathetically embarrassed cheer. “About a role switch! What if this time, me and Aine try composing and Kei-Kei and Hibi write the lyrics and sing it?”

“No,” Kei and Hibiki decline immediately.

“I think that’s a great idea, Reiji!” Aine says, looking pleadingly at the other two. “Besides . . . I’d love to try my hand at composing at least once, and Kei and Hibiki, both of you have really great singing voices. Please?”

It takes a few more minutes of Aine trying to convince them for them to agree, but Reiji knows all too well that no one can refuse Aine. Especially not him.

It’s a little disorienting at times.

And even though Reiji’s eyes trail after Aine the whole day, he doesn’t miss the knowing looks Hibiki and Kei shoot him, either.

* * *

It’s been a year since they joined Saotome Academy, Reiji thinks as he and Aine leave the recording room. They just finished their first duet together, at Saotome’s request. Reiji’s and Aine’s voices end up harmonising beautifully, with Reiji’s bubbly tone melding perfectly with Aine’s gentle soprano.

“Rei,” Aine asks softly, hand lifting as though to touch Reiji on the shoulder. “Can . . . can we talk for a moment?”

Reiji doesn’t know what Aine could possibly want to tell him, but, of course, he agrees. He knows he would follow Aine anywhere, after all.

Aine brings Reiji to one of the practice rooms, and closes the door behind them softly. “Rei . . . I’m scared.”

Reiji’s eyes widen, but his instincts react before his mind can, leading him to quickly wrap Aine into a protective embrace, as if to shield Aine from his fears. “Scared about what, Aine?”

Aine shifts in Reiji’s arms, but makes no effort to move from them. “Being an idol. What if . . . what if I’m hated? Or what if I lose my voice on stage?”

Reiji’s heart lurches at Aine’s doubts. How could someone so amazing possibly be so insecure? “Aine,” he whispers, “I _know_ you won’t be hated. Who could hate you? You’re kind, your voice is amazing, and you won’t lose it. And besides—” Reiji cuts himself off before he could finish what he was about to say: _And besides, your smile, Aine, could shake the stars._

It dawns on Reiji that friendship may not be the limit of what he feels for Aine.

* * *

Reiji rolls his pencil across his desk, eyes faraway as he muses over what to do next. Of course, at this point, there’s no doubt in his mind that he has a crush on Aine, and he had been crushing for a long while. The easiest option would be, of course, to confess, would it not? But in a vocational school for idols, where relationships are taboo, could they ever really work it out? That aside, relationships are against the rules at Saotome Academy—but the rule specifically says that _dating between the sexes is outlawed_ , but not a thing about same-sex relationships. Should Reiji take that to mean that he and Aine can openly date, or was that an oversight on Saotome’s part?

And, most importantly, Reiji has no clue if Aine’s even into guys in the first place.

Reiji puffs a breath of air out from his mouth, lifting his head marginally. He’s written lyrics across the desk—something that had become a habit over the last year.

Only this time, they’re lyrics of a one-sided love that, admittedly, sounded extra as hell.

“Rei, are you okay?”

“A-Aine!” Reiji scrambles to cover his desk, shooting Aine a cheesy grin. “Yep! All’s good here! What about you?”

Aine moves closer, placing the back of his hand on Reiji’s forehead, under his bangs. “Your face is warm, Rei. If you have a fever, you should rest.”

Reiji’s heart lurches in his chest at the mere sensation of Aine’s cool fingers on his face. “Fever? Nope, I’m feeling a-okay!” _If only you knew what this simple touch does to me, Aine. You have no idea of the effect you have on me._

“ _Rei_ , you have to take care of yourself.” Aine’s face forms the slightest pout, with his lower lip poking out just slightly, and _damn_ , Reiji wants to kiss him—

—but Aine takes advantage of Reiji’s temporary distraction to drag him out of the classroom, and across the hallway into Aine’s own room. Reiji’s heart stutters as Aine locks the door behind them, but he doesn’t say anything, instead letting Aine guide him to the desk and sit him down on the chair before it.

“Rei,” Aine says, turning away to get something from the cupboard, “you haven’t been yourself lately. I’m . . . worried about you. Hibiki and Kei seem to know what’s going on, but I don’t, and you won’t talk to me about it . . .”

Reiji doesn’t know what to say. If he says nothing’s wrong, Aine will think he’s keeping stuff from him. But can he confess his feelings just like that? He isn’t ready, he thinks, but he doesn’t know how much longer he can hide it. If Aine wasn’t as dense as he is, Reiji knows that Aine would have figured it out by now.

He looks at Aine who’s glancing downwards, dejected, his hands hiding behind his back. No, Reiji can’t say it yet. But he also can’t lie to Aine. “Aine . . .”

Aine looks up, eyes wide with caution and anticipation, and Reiji can already feel those eyes drawing him closer, pulling him in with a force Reiji had never felt before. “Rei . . . ?”

They’re only centimetres apart now. Reiji notices Aine’s eyelids flutter shut, and he can feel the other boy’s breath on his lips. “Reiji,” Aine murmurs under his breath, “I think I’m in love with you.”

That’s all Reiji needs to push himself closer for his lips to meet Aine’s. The kiss is gentle, soft, and it’s everything Reiji’s ever wanted.

“I love you too, Aine,” Reiji whispers, pressing his forehead to Aine’s when the two finally break away.

The threads of fate they’ve been weaving finally weave together, and maybe, just maybe, those threads are red.

* * *

 

Reiji and Aine have their first proper date at the beach. It’s Aine’s idea, but Reiji doesn’t mind. He’d love to go anywhere, so long as it’s with Aine.

Reiji won’t even bother to deny that he spends half the time at the beach staring at Aine in his swimsuit, and how the sleek black trunks outline Aine’s toned yet lithe figure so perfectly.

Aine catches him staring eventually, but instead of being indignant or upset, his only reaction is flushing the cutest shade of pink. Reiji can’t help but watch as the flush overtakes his face, the tips of his ears, and slowly overtakes his collarbones too. He really can’t tear his eyes away from Aine now.

So he kisses him.

It’s picturesque, the happy couple kissing in the sunset on the beach. Neither of them notice Hibiki and Kei sneaking around behind them, taking pictures when neither Reiji nor Aine are looking.

“I come here a lot,” Aine hums once the sun’s set, flicking his toes in the water as the waves lap at their feet.

Reiji tilts his head, signalling for Aine to continue.

“Whenever I’m feeling low, or insecure, or like things aren’t going right, I come here to calm myself.” Aine’s voice drops a little in volume to a mutter only Reiji could hear. “I think about you encouraging me a lot, too. It helps. Just seeing your face helps, Rei. I love you _so much_ , I don’t even know if words can express it. You’re like . . . the moon. You’re always there to shine on me when it’s dark. You’re the most amazing person I know, Rei. I don’t think . . .” Aine’s expression clouds a little, then brightens. “I don’t think I’d have made it this far without you.”

Reiji doesn’t have any words to respond with, so he offers Aine a kiss instead.

Aine’s quick to reciprocate.

* * *

 

Reiji and Aine graduate that year. Kei becomes Aine’s official composer, but Hibiki decides to pursue his long-desired career of being a director. Reiji doesn’t mind; he’s more than happy that his friends are following their dreams.

But there’s one thing he hates, and it’s that they barely spend time together anymore. He wants to spend more time with Aine— _his boyfriend_ , he thinks smugly—and Hibiki and Kei. But it’s hard with the limits their schedules push on them, with barely enough time to eat and sleep when they aren’t practicing, recording, or performing.

Reiji pulls out his phone to text Aine.

 

 

> _reichan: aiiiineeee_
> 
> _reichan: i miss you <3 _
> 
> _reichan: come back quickly~ i want to kiss you..._
> 
> _kisaraine: rei! you can’t just say stuff like that! >///< _
> 
> _kisaraine: but...i’ll be back in about an hour_
> 
> _kisaraine: we can do anything you want when i’m back okay?_
> 
> _reichan: aine, you’re so cute~ i love you~_
> 
> _kisaraine: i love you too, rei! ^^_

 

And Reiji puts his phone down, already visualising the cute blush that would be spreading across Aine’s face, followed by his angelic smile.

Reiji knows that as long as that smile lasts, everything will be okay.

* * *

Reiji doesn’t know when Aine stops smiling.

They haven’t gone on any dates in the past few months since Saotome had been packing their schedules even further. It got to the point where Reiji can’t even see Aine anywhere other than on his television screen.

But Aine’s performances lack their lustre, their Aine-like positivity, cuteness and earnestness that Reiji loves so much. On a day Reiji knows Aine has free, with the exception of a single concert, he convinces Saotome to clear his schedule.

It’s suspicious when Saotome agrees so easily.

Reiji goes to Aine’s concert—and even buys a glowstick for Aine, sitting right in the front row. It’s about halfway through the concert when Aine meets Reiji’s eyes, and Reiji makes a heart shape with his hands.

Aine’s smile is back, even if it isn’t as bright as before.

Later, when Aine gets offstage, Reiji manages to get him into a cab to his apartment. He pulls Aine’s head onto his shoulder, and gently strokes his hair. “Aine,” he says softly, “what’s wrong?”

Reiji realises Aine’s crying when wet tears drip through his sleeve. “I don’t think I want to be an idol anymore, Rei,” he mumbles through his tears.

Reiji does his best not to recoil in shock.

* * *

It happens one day when Reiji is auditioning for a role in a drama. He misses the most important call in his life. A call that, had he answered it, wouldn’t have costed him his boyfriend’s life.

When he checks his phone, all that’s there is a single missed call from Aine. Reiji doesn’t think much of it at first, until he listens to the voicemail when he gets into his car.

 _“Reiji,” Aine’s voice is ragged, sharp. “Reiji, I’m scared. I can’t . . . I don’t want to do this anymore. I know you’re busy with your audition, and I—I want to wish you the best of luck, Rei, but I can’t—I want—I_ need _—”_

_Aine cuts himself off. “I love you, Reiji Kotobuki. Please don’t blame yourself for anything I do. And . . . please, if you can . . . don’t forget me.”_

Reiji lowers the phone, letting Aine’s words sink in. That had sounded way too much like a final goodbye.

The second Reiji realises that, he’s off like a bolt. Of course, he knows there’s only one place Aine could be. Paying no heed to the speed limit, Reiji drove to the beach as fast as he could.

It takes almost half an hour to find Aine, but Reiji manages. He’s not sure where he picked the information up from, but he turns Aine’s head to the side, letting the water drip from his nose and mouth. His hands are steady as he manages to perform CPR as best as he knew. Aine’s heart’s still beating, Reiji notes as he lays him down in the backseat of his car—he’d have called an ambulance if his phone hadn’t gotten wet while looking for Aine.

Reiji drives to the hospital as carefully as time would allow.

* * *

Aine’s alive. Barely.

But he’s in a medically-induced coma, with no signs of waking up anytime soon. And, if the results were anything to go by, no intention of waking up anytime soon either.

Reiji doesn’t know how long he spends at Aine’s bedside before the nurse tells him to go home.

But the second he’s awake the next day, he goes back. Back to Aine, back to the only person capable of filling the sudden void in his heart. Back the the person who had caused that void.

“I’m sorry, Aine,” he whispers, taking Aine’s limp hand in his own. “I should have been there earlier. This is my fault.”

And he does the same thing, over and over again, for months.

* * *

Reiji’s forced to get back to work, lest he destroy whatever’s left of his sanity.

Each morning, he reaches for his phone. _“Please, if you can . . . don’t forget me.”_ Aine’s voice whispers in a message long dead.

 _I could never forget you, Aine. Never._ Reiji swallows thickly, not allowing himself the luxury of crying. Eyes red and swollen, Reiji looks through the texts he hasn’t read. None from Hibiki or Kei, he noted. He hadn’t expected any. Not since he stopped talking to them.

Instead, there’s an automated message from Shining Saotome, of all people. Its contents are simple instructions to meet him in his office. Reiji doesn’t bother questioning it as he gets dressed. Not like it could be anything too important.

When Reiji enters the room, he has to do a double take. Because, standing there in front of him, is Aine.

Wait. No, no, it isn’t. Aine was taller, older, and didn’t tie up half of his hair. Aine always had a shy smile on his face. Aine didn’t— _doesn’t_ , Reiji corrects himself—look at Reiji like a stranger.

Like the way this _impostor_ is looking at him.

Reiji wants to question the impostor. He wants to grab him by the collar and demand answers. _Why do you have Aine’s face? Who_ are _you? What the hell is going on?_

Smaller-Aine notices Reiji’s harsh gaze on him and steps back a little. Not spooked, though, as Aine would be, but wary.

Reiji’s about to say something—he isn’t sure what, though—when someone strides through the door with a haughty air to him, who’s followed by a man with spiked silver hair, who looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here.

Saotome, who’d seated at his desk, begins to speak. “Starting today, _you four_ will be _moving, moving_ forward as as idol group.”

“ _Hah?_ ”

“Impossible.”

“Objectively speaking, this is the worst combination.”

Right, Reiji’s seen them around before. The spiky haired one is a rocker, with a huge presence and lots of passion. The haughty one, whose name he remembers is Camus, had an elegant stage persona, but Smaller-Aine was fairly new to Shining Agency, and Reiji hasn’t ever seen him before.

Or if he had, he must have assumed his mind was playing tricks on him because of how much he misses Aine, and avoided him. He even has the same voice as Aine.

“What? But . . .” Reiji starts, slightly disappointed with the rejection right off the bat.

The other three turn to look at him, one expression mirrored in their eyes: dismissal.

Something sinks within Reiji, and he decides to change things. “Come with me after. Let’s at least talk about this.” _Aine . . . guide me, please._

* * *

Reiji takes them to Aine’s beach. He feels guilty about revealing the secret spot Aine had, but he needs it to draw confidence from Aine, just as Aine drew confidence from him.

Reiji doesn’t look at them yet.

“What?” Ranmaru demands.

“You’ve been more than high-handed,” Camus huffs.

“Why did you bring us all the way out here?” Smaller-Aine— _Ai_ —asks, irritation clear in his tone.

Reiji laughs dryly. “No matter how you look at it, the four of us are a bad match,” he acquiesces to their earlier notion.

“Yeah,” the three agree simultaneously.

He knows he’s grasping at straws, but he continues. “But we _do_ agree on that.” Reiji can’t tell if his forced cheeriness is obvious. “I get that we don’t get along, but don’t be that way. Let’s give it a shot.” He pumps his fists. “Shiny said we’re a group now. It could be a good opportunity.”

That gets their attention. They’re actually listening now.

“If we really don’t think it’ll work, we’ll just quit.” Reiji says. “Won’t you be willing to try it if you approach it that way?”

It takes only a moment for them to agree.

And, somehow, they stay as a group.

* * *

Sometimes, Quartet Night reminds Reiji of his older friends. Reiji can sometimes see shadows of Kei in Ranmaru’s carefree attitude and loose speech, and his hardcore determination.

Reiji catches glimpses of Hibiki in the moments between Camus switches between his stage and house persona, in those few breaths that he’s none other than himself—someone with no idea who to be at heart.

But every glance at Ai is a punch to the gut. Ai wears the same face Aine wore so many years ago, speaks in the same voice, and even has the same roundabout innocence to him—but he’s so _different_ from Aine that it hurts.

Reiji’s tried asking Ai multiple times if he had any relatives. Aine doesn’t have and siblings, Reiji knows, but perhaps a cousin?

But, each time, Ai would give him a look that was between confused and cornered, so Reiji lets it go. He lets it go, and lets Ai, Camus, and Ranmaru into his heart.

They don’t always get along, and they probably never will, but maybe it’s Reiji’s retribution for not paying attention when he needed to. He’ll do right by Quartet Night, even if he couldn’t for Aine.

Maybe it can bring Aine back to him. He can prove to Aine that he still cares, that he won’t mess up again. He won’t turn his back on anyone, and he’ll always keep forgiving.

* * *

Finally, it happens. Reiji faces the rejection he’s feared for so long. It’s different from all the other name-calls and _Shut up, Reiji_ s that he’s so used to hearing. (Things that he knows he’s never heard from Hibiki, Kei, or Aine. At least they were _nice_ to him, before they stopped talking.)

Ranmaru and Camus are arguing incessantly. Ai doesn’t care. “Reiji, stop them,” he just says, because _of course_ Reiji has to do it. Of course no one ever cares about _Reiji_. All he’s needed for is to clean up the mess the others leave. Pick up the shards of their teamwork and patch it together again, no matter how many times those shards pierce his own skin.

Reiji glares at Ai, who steps back, and Reiji can sense he’s uncomfortable. _Damn if I care_ , Reiji wants to think, but it’s almost impossible to, because when Ai backs away, that fear is on _Aine’s face_.

“It’s your fault.” Camus scoffs.

— _he should matter more than your career_ —

“Reiji, it’s _your_ fault.” Ranmaru agrees.

— _why the hell didn’t you notice_ —

“If you hadn’t suggested we live here together, this wouldn’t have happened. It’s _your_ fault, Reiji.”

— _your fault I ended up this way_ —

Reiji _snaps_. It’s the first time he’s ever, _ever_ walked out on his friends. “I can’t do this anymore,” he says. “Let this be the end.” And he leaves.

He can sense the tension in the air, but he, for once, doesn’t care. Reiji doesn’t look back as he leaves the condo, gets into his car, and drives away.

* * *

Without even realising, he’s driven himself to the hospital Aine’s in. Reiji swallows a lump in his throat, not sure if he has the stomach to face Aine after walking out on Quartet Night.

But then he decides to suck it up and go in.

When he reaches Aine’s room, he isn’t sure what to say. Or think. Instead, he settles for taking Aine’s hand, and holding it in his own. “Aine . . .” he whispers against Aine’s cold fingers.

And for the first time since Aine’s phone call, Reiji lets himself cry.

It takes a while for Reiji to stop crying, but eventually, he manages. He sits back against the chair in the hospital room—one hand still holding Aine’s—and slowly begins to drift off to sleep.

“To think you were here, outta all the goddamn places I coulda checked,” grumbles a _very familiar_ voice, instantly startling Reiji awake.

Kei.

Reiji’s eyes widen, the nightmarish possibilities of this encounter filling his head, when something lands in his lap: a can of beer. “Drink up, you need it.”

“. . . Beer?” Reiji asks, disbelief and skepticism colouring his voice.

“If I’m gonna go through the trouble of getting you a beer, you’re gonna damn well drink it before I shove it up your ass,” Kei just grumbles, popping a can open for himself.

It doesn’t take much more convincing than that. Besides, Reiji probably needs the drink more than he’d like to admit. He pops it open and takes a chug.

“Heh, Aine probably wouldn’t like to see you drinking, Reiji,” comes a teasing scoff from the direction of the door. Reiji doesn’t even need to look to see it’s Hibiki.

It’s the first time in years that all four friends are in the same room. Reiji had thought this meeting would be oppressive; that Kei and Hibiki would know that it’s _his_ fault for not noticing Aine’s downfall, for ignoring the signs.

Instead, a weight’s been lifted off his shoulders.

“Oi, Kei, toss me one, too,” Hibiki demands, and Kei chucks a can of beer at him, intentionally aiming for his head.

“You shoulda gotten it for yourself, you ungrateful bastard—”

“ _Kei-Kei_ ,” Reiji chides lightly, but nothing can stop the small, slight smile that makes its way back onto Reiji’s face.

“Oh, you’re no better, Reiji. From what I’ve heard, you’re still a little shit,” Kei snorts.

“Yeah, your group doesn’t hesitate to poke at you, even on stage,” Hibiki agrees.

“They’re _assholes_ ,” Kei almost growls. “Like, worse than _us_.”

“Yeah,” Reiji mumbles. “But they’re not bad people.”

Hibiki scoffs again, putting on a sickly sweet (and fake) voice. “Reiji, _honey_ , if a fight with them makes you want to actually _drink your sorrows away_ , they’re definitely assholes. And you’re going to tell us all about them.”

So Reiji does.

It’s late into the night when Reiji asks what’s been on his mind the whole time. “How did you guys know I was here?”

Hibiki’s voice is soft. “It was either Aine’s beach or here. They’re the only places you’d go if you were missing.”

“How’d you know I was—”

“Mikaze looked bothered on set. I’m working with him for this film. I have to say, as much as he looks and sounds like Aine”—Hibiki gestures to the hospital bed Aine’s in—“he’s so completely different. But still, I’ve never seen him look so guilty.”

Kei grimaces. “It must’ve been hard for you, having to be with him especially.”

“Ai-Ai has his own . . . pace, I guess,” Reiji says, deflecting the comment.

“Gross, you gave them nicknames, too?” Reiji sticks his tongue out at Hibiki, who just continues, “But, the only thing he mentioned was something about you. I don’t think he expected me to have heard him, or known you, for that matter, but I put the pieces together and texted Kei.”

Kei make an expression that was somewhere between a grimace and a smirk. “And you know the rest. But seriously, Reiji, they’re treating you like shit. Why do you even put up with them?”

Reiji’s voice is hushed as he answers. “. . . I owe it to Aine, to make sure I don’t let them hurt each other.”

“Bullshit,” Kei snaps. “Aine wouldn’t want you to think you owe him anything, or blame yourself for what happened.”

“Your heart’s just too soft for your own good,” Hibiki agrees, ruffling Reiji’s hair. “Shit, man, when was the last time you cut your hair?”

Reiji shrugs sheepishly. “A few months ago, I think. Maybe I’ll cut it again soon. Shorter, like how it used to be. Probably won’t really matter anymore.”

“So you’re really okay with leaving Quartet Night, then?” Hibiki murmurs.

“Can’t call it leaving if you’re the only real member,” Reiji comments bitterly. “All I end up doing is clean up their mess after they fight.”

Kei tosses Reiji another beer in sympathy. “Drink away.”

Reiji pops open the can. “Yeah.”

Hibiki stifles a snicker. “Aine’d refuse to kiss you for the rest of the day with all that alcohol in your system, Reiji.”

Reiji knows it isn’t the alcohol that makes him flush slightly. “Zip it, Hibi,” he almost pouts.

“Fine, fine. But maybe you should give them a day or two before you actually leave. Mikaze was _really_ guilty on set, so maybe he’ll, at least, change his mind and apologise,” Hibiki reasoned.

“He’s still a piece of shit,” Kei offered helpfully. “But at least you’ll have closure from them.”

“. . . Yeah. I think they’ll know where to find me tomorrow, then.”

It’s then that Kei’s phone rings. “Ryuya-senpai? Huh? Yeah, he’s with us. No, we’re not drunk. Yet. Whatever. Yeah. The hell? Tell them where they can stick that so-called concern— _no_ , they _deserve_ it. Ugh, fine.”

Hibiki raises an eyebrow.

“Reiji must’ve called Ryuya earlier. He says he’s spoken to your shitty groupmates and whacked some sense into them, and that they’re worried about you,” Kei summarises.

“Give them a chance tomorrow, Reiji,” Hibiki encourages. “Oh, but you can be as petty as you like tonight.”

Reiji manages a weak smile as he spends the rest of the time with his best friends until they’re kicked out of the hospital when visiting hours are over. He manages to kiss Aine’s hand softly before they leave, and Reiji’s filled with renewed confidence.

* * *

Quartet Night, once the incident is over, is a proper group, Reiji thinks. The previous night, Ai, Ranmaru, and Camus had tried to set things right, and allow bygones to be bygones.

Reiji feels lighter than he  has in years—his friends don’t hate him, his groupmates don’t hate him, and his kouhais (or, as he preferred to refer to them, his _kids_ ) don’t hate him.

Reiji’s life starts getting on track.

* * *

And then it all comes crashing down. There was no way it wasn’t too good to be true. Of course, Reiji was made to experience that in a short while.

He doesn’t know why—all he knows is that Ai was lying to him. That he has been for years. How?

Ai’s a robot. And not just any robot, but a robot who was specifically _modelled_ after Aine. Whose consciousness is _linked_ with Aine’s.

Reiji’s pissed.

Not just because it has to do with Aine, the _love of his life_ , but even because Ai couldn’t even _trust him_ enough to tell him. He’s stewing over it silently as he looks through the script for their next drama—one in which they’ll be acting as themselves, rather than as a character.

Internally, Reiji smiles bitterly to himself. _Ai_ certainly won’t be having any problems here.

Somewhere deep down, Reiji knows he’s being petty, but he’s too hurt to care.

Ai’s talking to him. Reiji can hear his voice, but he can’t be bothered enough to care what he’s saying. Instead, Reiji just answers with a noncommittal “yeah,” as he keeps flipping through the script.

“Reiji, aren’t you hungry? I think you should eat something. We should go.”

“Not hungry,” Reiji just mutters. “You don’t need it, right?” _Not when you’re made of wires and metal and run on electricity._

Ai flounders for a moment, then changes the subject. “Uh— that—what are you reading?”

“Script.” _Leave, Ai. Just . . . go._

Ai doesn’t sense Reiji’s rising agitation. “The one from the new drama?”

Reiji sighs, irritated.

Ai just continues. “It’s odd for us to be acting as ourselves, isn’t it?” _Isn’t that what you do all the time, Ai?_ “This is the first time”— _like hell it is_ —“so I’m a bit hesitant. What should I do for the acting?” _Shouldn’t_ you _know, of all people?_

“ _Acting_ ,” Reiji scoffs. “Isn’t that _your_ specialty? It’s what you normally do.” Reiji’s voice is laced with venom, barely hinting at the secret Ai’d kept from him for so long.

“Rei . . . ji . . .” Ai’s eyes widen, and he takes a step back, like a cornered animal.

_Don’t look at me like that. Like I’m the one who’s hurting you._

Reiji stands up. “Is the Ai Mikaze in front of me really the _real_ Ai Mikaze?” _Or am I just staring at a liar?_

Ai seems to shrink into himself. “What are you talking about?” He’s lost his confidence, his voice quiet.

 _Scared I’ve figured it out, Ai-Ai?_ “As expected of the _Mysterious Idol_ —so good at keeping secrets.”

“Keeping secrets?” Ai has the audacity to sound incredulous. “I’m not keeping anythi—”

“Aren’t you, though?”

Reiji knows he’s hit the right nerve when Ai stiffens. “Uh—”

“Please, don’t talk to me anymore.” Reiji sits back down, picking the script back up to read it (or, as he fully well knows, to stare at it while seething more), when—

“Reiji . . . have I done something I shouldn’t have?” Reiji grips the script tighter at the question. “You’ve just been avoiding me for a while. I’m sorry if I’ve done something that hurt your feelings, but I can try to amend it! So . . . please . . . what should I do?”

Reiji can’t hold back anymore. “‘Something that hurt my feelings’?” Reiji parrots, his voice raising. “ _You_ , yourself, _Ai Mikaze_ , are that something.”

A flash of hurt courses through Ai’s expression, making him look almost like a kicked puppy. “That’s . . .”

Reiji doesn’t stop; he’s in too deep. “Your _very existence_ is what’s hurting me.”

 _Every time I look over my shoulder, expecting to see Aine, but it’s you. Every time you smile and I_ hate _it because it’s so different from Aine’s despite being the same. Every time you have the same mannerisms—like scrunching up your nose when there’s something you don’t understand, or playing with your fingers. Every little thing you do reminds me of_ him _, and it hurts. It hurts, Aine._ No. Not Aine. _Ai_.

Reiji’s hit with the sudden urge to vomit.

“Then . . . what should I—”

Reiji stands up abruptly, slamming his hands on the desk. “There’s nothing you should do!” he shouts, looking Ai in the eyes, his own filled with pure, cold rage.

The blue eyes that meet his are filled with fear as Ai gasps.

 _Why is he scared? Why is_ he _scared, when_ I’m _the one who’s been lied to? Why is_ he _scared, when the person whose very soul is linked to his is withering away in a hospital bed? Why is_ Ai Mikaze _scared when he knows_ Aine Kisaragi _was the one who tried to kill himself!_

“You _already know_.” Reiji lets out a pained breath. “If you’re not leaving, I am.”

Ai mumbles something about going outside, then leaves Reiji to his thoughts. _Good riddance_ , Reiji thinks.

He knows he doesn’t mean it.

* * *

Reiji’s still stewing over the conversation hours later.

_“Then . . . what should I . . .?”_

“Don’t apologise now,” Reiji mutters under his breath. “Even if you tried . . it’s _too late_ ,” he spat out, throwing the script onto the desk. “I _know_ now. Things can’t go back to the way they were before. Not since _that_ day . . .”

_“It’s strange, but I feel like I can talk to you about a lot of things, Reiji.”_

“So why _didn’t_ you talk to me?” Reiji spits, but he can’t help but wonder if that’s Aine’s influence. If it’s Aine that’s urging Ai to talk to Reiji.

_“This is the first time I’ve felt like this. Hey, you can’t tell anyone, okay?”_

Was that time the first time Aine had tried to reach out to Ai? “Is it because it was a _secret_ no one should know about?” Reiji isn’t quite sure what he’s getting at, but he keeps mumbling his thoughts aloud. It’s better than being trapped in his head.

_“We’re friends, aren’t we?”_

Yeah, friends. A friend that doesn’t even trust him enough to tell him _who the hell he is_ . A friend that never cares to share anything substantial with him. A friend who didn’t even _trust_ him. “You thought I wouldn’t hurt if you didn’t tell me?”

_“Thanks. Let’s keep this up.”_

“Did you think that I’d just keep forgiving?” _That I’d just let it go because that’s what I’ve always done? That I didn’t have a limit? A breaking point?_ Reiji notices his hands shaking, but he isn’t sure whether it’s anger or anxiousness.

_“I trust you, Reiji.”_

Like hell! “You never trusted me! Weren’t we supposed to be _friends_ ?” Reiji smacks the pencil stand off the desk, sending it, along with his script, flying onto the floor. “Damn . . . ! _Damn it!_ ”

Reiji, still standing, buries his head in his hands. He himself doesn’t understand his outburst. Hell, he hasn’t been able to understand _anything_ for the past couple of days.

The door opens, Camus behind it. He glances around the room in its sorry state—with pencils and papers thrown across the floor, and Reiji in the centre of all the destruction.

“You’re quite agitated,” Camus comments, completely calm, as though Reiji’s entire world wasn’t upside down. “It’s not like you to throw things.”

It isn’t like Reiji to be angry? For him to have normal feelings, like everyone else? Or for him to be picking fights? Reiji laughs mirthlessly. “You’re right,” he agrees. “I can’t just keep going on like this. It’s hard, when someone you trust betrays everything you thought you had together.”

A frown makes its way onto Camus’ face. “Are you referring to Mikaze?”

“ _‘_ _No secrets.’_ I thought that we were actually close enough to be honest with each other.”

“No matter how close you are, there are one or two things you can’t tell anyone,” Camus declares, still detached as ever.

“Of course,” Reiji agrees. He knows this, and he knows that Camus is right. “Everyone has their own secrets to keep. But there are things you shouldn’t hide, too.” _Like how you’re hiding everything about Aine from Ai?_ “The more important it is, well . . . how would you feel about something that huge being hidden from you?”

Camus lowers his eyes, his expression clouding into something Reiji’s never seen on his face before. “Betrayed. Hurt.”

“Exactly. I’m . . . already at my limit.”

Camus raises his gaze to meet Reiji’s again. “Are you sure . . . that’s how you really feel?”

Reiji smiles mirthlessly, hand on the doorknob. “Who knows?” he asks, leaving the room.

* * *

_Are you sure that’s how you really feel?_ Camus’ question is still ringing through Reiji’s head.

He doesn’t know. He thought he did, but now that Camus mentioned it, perhaps that anger isn’t the only cause of Reiji’s sudden contempt. Maybe it’s something else, too.

_—lips as blue as his hair, mouth filled with saltwater—_

It tugs on the strings of Reiji’s heart. That crushing sensation, that overwhelming pain of

_—loneliness—_

betrayal,

_—abandonment—_

distrust,

_—fear—_

hatred.

Reiji shakes his head. Ai isn’t Aine. Ai wouldn’t try to leave the same way Aine did. Reiji wouldn’t be the one leaving Ai.

. . . Right?

Reiji lets out a sigh, lost in his thoughts, when he hears a sharp inhale from behind him. Ai. _He’s still scared of me._ Reiji makes a noncommittal sound, glancing away.

Ai makes a sound akin to a squeak, then visibly pulls himself together. “Reiji . . .” he starts slowly, cautiously, still _scared_.

 _I have to be honest here._ “I . . . can’t keep on hiding this anymore,” Reiji says, and he’s almost proud of how even he keeps his voice. He would be, if not for what he were about to say.

Ai balks. “What is it?”

“I’m talking about the one thing you’ve wanted to hide most.”

“Huh?”

“You’re not human, are you?” Reiji asks, tone flat, meeting Ai’s eyes directly.

Ai gasps, eyes widening in shock—and guilt. “Wh-what are you talking about, Reiji?” he still tries to deny, despite the clear giveaway in his expression.

Reiji flips a switch. “Don’t _lie_! You can stop acting. Stop acting like you’re human. I know. All of it.”

The hurt in Ai’s eyes is coupled with confusion. “ _How?_ ”

Reiji looks away. “It started with small things, at first. You don’t eat much, you disappear almost at regular set times. You _sleep_ as though you’ve run out of battery. I just thought you were a bit different, at first. But . . .”

Reiji hesitates, thinking back to when he’d found out for real.

* * *

_“I trust you, Reiji. No matter what happens . . .”_

_Reiji’s heart jumps into his throat as the sound of crackling electricity and whirring gears permeates the air . “Wh-what’s wrong? Are you all right?”_

_Ai’s voice is mechanical as he repeats, “I . . . trust you . . .” Even as his eyes turn glassy, his mouth still moves, “No . . . matter what . . . happens . . .” His speed slows, expression blank, eyes lifeless. “For . . . ever . . .”_

_Reiji gasps. “Ai-Ai?” He grabs Ai’s shoulders. “AI-AI!” Frantically, Reiji checks for a pulse._

_There isn’t one._

_“His heart . . . stopped . . . ? Ambulance! I have to call an ambulance!” Reiji’s shouting now, even as his hand shakes while he dials the number._ No, not this again. I can’t do this again. Please, Ai, don’t make me go through this again _, he begs, his other hand still over Ai’s unbeating heart._

_When the mechanical whirring starts again._

_Reiji gasps, breath stuttering through his lips as Ai’s heart starts beating again under his hand. “His heart’s . . . beating . . .” he mumbled, relief flooding him. He can’t lose Ai like he lost Aine._

_He can’t be alone again._

* * *

Reiji still can’t look at Ai. “I couldn’t understand any of what happened,” he confesses. “Even when your heart started beating again, your eyes wouldn’t open. It looked almost as if you were sleeping, but your condition wasn’t normal. I didn’t know what to do, so I contacted the agency, but they took you away for several days, and when you came back, you’d forgotten everything that had happened that time.

“As if they erased your memories. As if none of it had happened. Even when I asked Shiny, he just told me to forget about it.”

“Reiji, listen—”

“ _Why?_ ” Reiji knows his voice is strained, pathetically _begging_ Ai for an answer. “Why didn’t you _tell_ me? I thought you _trusted me_! I thought we were friends who didn’t need to hide anything from each other!” Reiji can feel the tears sting his eyes, but he can’t be bothered to blink them away. Instead, he raises his eyes to meet Ai’s, which are overrun with guilt and hurt.

“I didn’t want to hide it!” Ai’s voice is an octave higher than usual. “I didn’t want you to hate me—I didn’t want to hurt you . . .”

“ _Hurt? Me?_ ” Reiji’s incredulous. “That half-hearted ‘kindness’ is what hurt me the most! All this time—this _whole_ time—I’ve been wondering when you’d talk to me about it. But _none_ of it ever happened.” Reiji takes in a shaky breath, once again failing to keep his voice from breaking. “Now . . . let this be the end.”

Reiji doesn’t know how to feel about saying those words again.

Ai’s voice is soft as he tries to say, “Reiji . . . I . . .”

“Being a robot must be nice, huh?” Reiji interrupts, keeping his voice as casual and dismissive as he can. “You don’t have a heart, so you’re fine, right?” Reiji plasters a fake, cool smirk on his face. “Oh, or perhaps you’ll erase me from your memories?” A pause, and his smirk falls. “If you’re doing that, best to do it now, right? Before making any more memories you wouldn’t want to delete?”

Ai gasps, and Reiji notices the tears that start collecting in his eyes. Ai does too, taking one, two steps backwards, and then bolting out of the room before his tears actually fall.

Reiji pretends his voice doesn’t break again as he clicks his tongue. “Tch, so even a robot can cry, huh . . . ?”

 _If he hates me, he won’t feel any grief if—_ when _—I end up leaving. This world, him, everything._

* * *

 

Ranmaru tells Reiji off once he finds him—of course, for making Ai cry. That it isn’t like him to hurt instead of be hurt.

He doesn’t understand how much Reiji’s really scared of getting hurt—of _causing_ hurt. He doesn’t understand how Reiji’s been abandoned by the people he’d thought cared about him so many times. He doesn’t understand Reiji’s suffering.

Ranmaru tells Reiji that there’s no way he could understand what Reiji’s been through, but he does know that once something’s broken so permanently, it can’t come back. He asks if Reiji’s okay with that happening. _Trust Ai. And trust yourself._

Reiji doesn’t know how.

But he listens to Ranmaru, he tries, and things come together. Finally, Ai lets Reiji in, and Reiji reopens his doors for Ai.

And maybe, Reiji thinks, things can go back to normal. Maybe he can trust again.

* * *

A month later, Reiji’s just come back from a concert, and is just about to change out of his costume when his phone buzzes with a message ringtone he hasn’t heard in years.

Warily, Reiji glances at the phone to check what it is—

—and almost drops his phone in shock.

Reiji doesn’t care about changing back anymore. Instead, he races out of Quartet Night’s shared condo, grabbing his car keys, then starts his car, with not the slightest hint of hesitation. He keeps his eyes trained on the road to his destination, the message that was on his phone repeating itself in his head.

 

 

> _kisaraine: hi, rei! i’m awake now . . . so . . . would you come see me, please?_

**Author's Note:**

> So, here we are. After all this, let me say: Shining Saotome is absolutely the most difficult character to write, and he only made an appearance for like 0.2 seconds. 
> 
> Also, on another note, this time on my version of Kei and Hibiki—yeah, now I know that they did actually blame Reiji thanks to some very kind people having told me so in the comments, so please refrain from pointing it out again. I haven’t played the games and I don’t have a way to, as of yet, so bear with me. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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